Sunday, 22 February 2015

An Open Letter to G

G, what can I say, it takes a lot to cry my eyebrows off,  but there I was watching 50 shades of grey and not because the opening scene was one of the most awkward things I've ever seen (it definitely did not help the situation though) 

I've known you a long time, I'm not sure how I feel about fate, and all that jazz, but you moving rooms and giving me a heart attack about my brothers card, still makes me laugh to this day. We both seemed to move into that room that night, drinking, smoking and watching terrible cartoons. I never thought I'd have to explain what 'ballsack' meant, but there we go. I'd never had an experience like the one I had with you, not just physical but the feeling you get when you lie by someone saying nothing and knowing that person is just as happy. Even though we both knew it always not right and dark but we still carried on.

Every time I planned on going to London you were at the forefront of my mind. To this day I am still not over the fact that we both  thought the other stood them up, and that we both decided to be stubborn enough not to contact the other to see what happened for a year. There's not many people with whom I'd rather just hang out with in a room in London rather than see anything with than you, though I do treasure our one date we had.

Now, well in three weeks, as I have done time and time again, you are leaving. But unlike me London has lost the charm for you and you are in no rush to come back, and that's obviously fine, four continuous years away from everything, doing shifts and not even coming close to an oven would take its toll on anyone, you have your responsibilities at home and you've had promises made to you and made by you, you can only hang around for so long. Seeing you this week, getting ready to go, I don't know, I  thought you'd be happier, the argument you had that day and the day before would put anyone in a bad mood, but at one stage I almost felt  you wanted me to tell you to just run away with me, but my life is not a David Nicholls novel, this is not One Day or The Notebook, life doesn't work like that.

Saying  that at our last meeting there you seemed even more quiet, with much more on your mind than normal, feelings you had previously had bubbled up ten fold. you regret what you did with me and to me, forgetting I made the choices of my own accord, I am not and was never a child being easily led, no matter what you or my parents think. I chose you 4 years ago and all those times I visited, I would be a ball of nerves going to see you, but it was always so natural and lovely and why would I  chose to visit you if I didn't think you were good and loving and kind. You helped me in the last four years figure our who I am and I don't know who I'd be if it wasn't for you and for you to question how good you are as a person because of me hurts a lot, I am no ones mistake, to be regretted I am much better than than and I deserve more than that. You deserve more too. I would never warn anyone against you, you helped make me feel that someone could would want me, not just as a casual thing, but someone that wants to know me, like to know what I'm thinking by looking at me.

I might actually never see you again, never mind anything else, that hurts my absolute soul, deep down, but I just  want you to be so happy at home, and have an abundance of children, All things in life happen for a reason and I'm very happy our paths crossed in that hotel in the city of London, I wish you the best of everything, I only wish I had been brave enough to have said this to you, and  even to admit some things I've denied for so long, all I can say is thank you and I love you. That's it, I love you.


Dear everyone or anyone that reads this. For the love of yourself, tell people how you feel about them. Because of my fear  of telling someone how I felt I have basically stunted my loving growth, This is not Gs doing but my own. I have to sit in my room trying to figure out through all my tears what I feel and try and release these feelings and emotions through this medium because I am afraid. This is not how its supposed to be done. Whats the worst that can happen?? Please learn from my mistakes. If you  managed to read this whole thing, know I appreciate it. I needed to get this out of my body so I wouldn't start crying at work or in public, which does happen anyway and it might still happen. The world is for loving, love and know I Love you.




Wednesday, 11 February 2015

My problem with Valentines Day

I've had this half idea going round in my head as we are coming up to Valentines Day.
I was commenting on how I didn't like the day to a manager of mine and before I could elaborate on why he asks 'Do I sense a little jealousy?' (me being the forever singleton) and I replied, and i think i properly realised  'It's not couples that annoy me on Valentines day, its single people'



What I mean by that, is the obnoxious OH I LOVE ME ON VALENTINES #GALENTINES.
People that are not happy they are single and make a big deal out of loving themselves and their fellow single ladies, but only seem to love em on this day, forgetting about all the other days of the year. These individuals are also know to comment things such as "vomit" or general giving out about their non single friends. Why would you begrudge anothers happiness, If they choose to celebrate the date and that involves flowers and choclates that come in a pink box who are you to say its not proper romance because they "only do it because the card companies made valentines day'
Well so what? they might find it weird to not go for dinner on that day and like making the effort to go out on this day. What about people who prefer hanging out at home with their significant other and want to do something as a change, only to have their acts judged by people.

If you are single and you are not happy about the fact, or are even a bit upset, I'm sorry you feel that way, that is a perfectly fine way to feel, stay in and watch whatever and have a drink or whatever you want to do. My problem is the people who make a big deal about the fact they are single and are so passively aggressive about. I have a huge issue with passive aggression in general. If you're upset about being single don't pretend you aren't.

I will be single on Valentines, I was single before the 14th and I'll be single after, I'm well used to it at this stage. I don't need my other single friends and I to have a dinner and judge people, I don't need chocolates bought for me and all that jazz. I will be watching the 6 Nations and liking all the pictures of the teddies and flowers my attached friends will be putting on the internet because I'll be happy that they are happy and are having a nice day even when its a dreary February day.

Saturday, 29 November 2014

Podcasts I listen to.

My friend pulled out her phone and opened up her Podcasts app, showed me some of her favourites and the rest is history. The best thing about Podcasts is you listen to anything that interests you, you can keep them or delete and if a topic doesn't interest you, you don't have to listen to it at all and it doesn't cost you anything, unless you want to go to their  website and donate or buy merchandise.
Here are some of my favourites (I subscribe to them via the Podcasts App from the App Store)




The Dork Forrest by Jackie Kashian:
Jackie Kasian is a comedienne over in the states, who invites people to her house, and they explain they dork out about whatever they want. I've heard people dork out about,hockey teams, manners, fashion, Poirot, make up, really anything the guest loves. Its really interesting listening to people thoroughly enjoy random things and being allowed to  talk about it.



All New Friends by Hello Giggles:
I follow Zoey DeChanel website Hello Giggles on Bloglovin and Facebook and over the summer it was announced that Tatti and Kady would be making a podcast together. The premise of this podcast is they would chat together first, discuss a first (first concert, first thing they were good at).Then before their special guest arrives (they don't know who's coming on) they read the guest Horoscope for that day and try and guess what the person will be like. Their guest have included Psychics bikers, the band Rixton and comedienne Little Ester. I like the one with Little Ester, I tweet the presenters, and they mentioned me, and yes I did fangirl a bit.



Death, Sex and Money by Anna Sale:
Anna Sale interviews like no other person I listen to, it's like she's known the interviewee all their lives and knows so much about them. She asks the question no one else has asked the interviewee, maybe a question they haven't even asked themselves, and her voice seems so honest and interested the interviewee looks to thoroughly answer the question.
Recently she asked the listeners about their experiences with funerals and inserts their responses into the podcast.




Freakonomics Radio by Stephen J. Dubnar and WNYC:
I was never into Buisness Studies or Economics, but about 4 years ago I read Freakonomics the book and realised Economics is associated with almost everything! From Bread at Tables to Smiling at Customers, to Ulcer causing bacteria and the American Education system Stephen Dubner interviews the Expert Economists and other Experts at that field and examine it and issues that arise when examined. It's both educating and entertaining, I feel a bit smarter after listening to it.





Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits: 
Rhod Gilbert is a Welsh comedian who has a radio show on BBC Wales on a Saturday. This show makes me giggle tremendously. Rhod and his co-presenter, which is usually a fellow Welsh man, look for the most ridiculous headlines in the paper and give their slant on it. They also reply to the emails and texts sent in by listeners and ask listeners to respond to their questions which include 'Have you ever lost your favourite hat?'. A very light hearted podcast that cheers me up whenever I listen to it.





Honourable Mentions: Sex Nerd Sandra (everything you ever wanted to know about sex)
This American Life (different stories with a resounding theme are told every week)
TED Talks Audio (blow your mind without the video)

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

I keep dancing on my own

Ok first of all I do have friends I promise! Secondly I am not writing this for sympathy or anything like that again I promise

Ok so.... I have friends (again I promise) who point blank refuse to go to the cinema alone, to sit in the dark and not speak to anyone while being entertained by a big ass screen that's taking all your attention anyway. This has always perplexed me tbh. Anna kendrick said in a magazine (I think it's Cosmo) that she has no problem with going to the cinema alone, and I am the same absolutely. Let me tell you a secret no one cares if you arrive at the cinema on your own, if they are spending their time concentrating on you and not on the film well there's a pretty big issue with the film It surprises people that I'm doing things alone. I was in a taxi last week heading to Des Bishop in the Everyman and you could hear the surprise and sympathy in the taximans voice when I said I wasn't meeting anyone there (coming home is very funny by the way, there is talks about him doing another gig in March next year with the same material) I think or at least I think I think that by spending time on your own you really get to know yourself, if you don't know yourself properly how will anyone else get to know you

When I was a teenager I was always afraid my wanting to hang out with my friends was somehow inconveniencing them, I always felt I was the one asking to do things and meet up and if I didn't get a text near to the time of the hanging out the other person didn't really want to do the thing so I would not push it.

Even as an "adult" I found myself asking if anyone wanted to do something by putting a question up in Facebook, often times deleting it as no one would reply to the status and that wasn't helping with my thoughts of inconveniencing people

So I started doing things on my own going to places and experiencing things. On occasion my friends do these things with me but I am now fine with doing things alone

I started this when I was about 17
This wasn't even my idea actually, it was my aunts. The summer before I'd had an awful boring time so I had decided i wouldn't let that happen again. I happened to be visiting some family and my aunt
recommended I go to German college for a few weeks to prepare me for the leaving cert (for you Irish people German college is just like Irish college and for non Irish people, Irish/German college is a thing you go to in the summer continuously for three weeks where you only speak that language. You have classes and play sports and do other activities, and no English speaking is allowed). I jumped at the chance to be doing something for three whole weeks and signed up straight away. I was a bit nervous but a girl who i was in primary school with was there and everyone there was friendly out. It was a tough few weeks but I got through it and had friends in no time really.



The next big thing was college.
I didn't even know where Dundalk was when I accepted the place, I just so wanted to get a place I jumped at the chance to go to the other side of the country ( I realise Ireland is small but it's still the other side of the country!) i went to a town I didn't know into an apartment with people I didn't  know and into a college where there was one other chap from my town who has been told to look out for me. Again it was daunting to go there and do things but it was also such an adventure, heading out for
a Bacardi breezer on a Monday with a group of people who didn't know you but were nice enough to include you is such a nice thing to happen to you, with sugary alcohol in me I could talk away to anyone and have a giggle dancing away with my new friends

The february of first year I was busy making plans for the summer. I had gotten a ticket for oxygen (the festival, it was still cool in 2009) and then out of the blue my dad calls me and tells me he thinks it would be a good idea to go on a J1 and stay with my aunt in Santa Barbara (A J1 is a visa Irish students can get to go the US from the end of May until early September). This announcement kinda startled me, as this idea seemed to come from no where and I knew people usually went on J1s in fairly big groups with 12 people staying in a one bedroom apartment and never stayed with their aunts. But off I went and organised this visa and in no time (via London San Francisco and LAX) I was in Santa Barbara. This was a new challenge as I had to get a job and didn't have an immediate way to make friends like the way I had in German college and actual college. My aunt basically arranged a play date for me with her friends niece who was there from Canada for the summer, which was totally handy really. After about 2 weeks I had a job in an Irish bar, after telling the manager I was going to stalk him until he gave me a job, true story...
He also hired another Irish girl who actually was there with friends and there was a good few people staying in hers, she invited me over a few times and I hung out with my arranged friend, and got friendly with the other staff at the bar, we went for a thank god the World Cup is over party in a proper American bowling alley where they routinely held big lebowski parties.

There was  a few time when I wanted to see other parts of California, kinda like an itch and I knew the people I knew would be working so I would go on my own. On one occasion I went to San Francisco which entails getting on a bus at midnight and waking up at 8 am in the city so that was cool. I really saw the benefits of traveling alone there, for example to walk from my hostel to the Golden Gate Bridge, walking the Golden Gate Bridge and returning to the hostel took an honest to god 6 hours I am not even kidding! I think if I had attempted this with someone else someone would have been killed. Obviously we could have taken a bus but instead I walked and walked and had a caricature drawn saw a lady gaga made from skittles, got an in and out burger, left said caricature at the counter, retrieved said picture and then once I arrived at the hostel while stretching my legs and making coffee got talking to two Australians and ended up having dinner with them and drinking captain Morgans till all hours, I just don't feel that would have happened if I had brought someone else along.

The following summer my dad (who clearly has great suggestions) suggested I come to London for that summer, he had a friend who would be able to get me a job in a hotel with accommodation and two meals a day (actually possibly it was three but I never was awake for breakfast). The brilliant thing with this job was there was people who I now lived with who were all not from England and were also looking for friends there was French Spanish Brazilian, Hungarian Australian and they were nearly all amazing. Within two days of arriving I was invited to go see Stonehenge with a group of them and off we went, the only problem being one of the Australians misheard my name and what he heard became the nickname I was stuck with for the summer (let's say it rhymes with lympho....)

I spent a good amount of time on my own also though. One night after reading Michael Caines book all night I knew I wouldn't be getting any sleep so went for a walk at five am. If you ever wanted to see Trafalgar Square empty the time to go is five am.  We spend the summer staying up all hours learning bits and pieces of other languages and while watching drawn together (an 18+ cartoon) I had to explain the term ballsack to one of my foreign friends. Other than the riots I had just an amazing time and I thoroughly recommend all people to spend a summer in a big city which does not sleep!

Since that summer there hasn't been a massive change of scenery which has led me to go off and do my own thing it's been more little things

Last year I went to Paris on my own. I spent a good three hours locating Coco Chanels original shop/ apartment and after proving I knew a bit about Chanel to the security man (she had this apartment but slept in the Ritz every night FYI) he allowed me in to see the mirrored staircase where an American lady and I had a fan girl moment, people had warned me about French people, but other than a bit of catcalling in French outside train stations (at least I think it was catcalls, my French is non existent) I had no problems whatsoever

I went to my first comedy show (mark Dolan) and first concert (Biffy Clyro) alone.
I've been out drinking in London and cork on my own.

Last week when I wrote about my trip to cobh and to gone girl (yes alone) I failed to mention a small issue that occurred that evening. I was in the first pub having a desperado (yum), it was about 9pm and I realised the only people I had spoken to were people who were working and therefore had to speak to me (I.e the lady I bought my tickets from, who I ordered my latte, cinema tickets and beer from) and I was hit with a dark cloud, I got upset over the fact that I had enjoyed the trip with no one there was no one who I could talk about gone girl with or who could admire Cobh with, I convinced myself in those three minutes that no one wanted to spend time with me anyway and i did get a bit upset with this thought. I did get over it and eventually went to a pub where I had a grand chat with some people about music and I had a dance with a chap and ended up kissing someone at the end of the night who told me they were glad they met me, that still doesn't take from the fact that as much as I enjoy doing things I can get lonely. I can talk to anyone (not tooting my own horn or anything but I can) but sometimes I've no desire to talk to people and sometimes people just don't want to talk to me and that's ok. Feeling lonely is ok, I wouldn't like to feel it frequently if I'm honest. After the mini crisis I made it a mini mission to
reconnect to a few people so I don't have to be alone if I don't want to. I'm proud my friends are off having adventures in Dublin and London and it seems to be difficult to meet new people to chat with when you reach your 20s, this is something i know I have to work on, but I know I can keep myself company when needs be.

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Adventure Time: Cobh Edition

I have lived in Cork for the majority of my life, and yet there are so many parts of this lovely county I haven't seen, and I'm on a massive journey to change that since I live in the city and have the ease and ability to get there. One day last week I was off for a few days so I decided I'd have a 'Self Love' Day and go to a place I haven't been before, namely Cobh. Ok I have been to Cobh before for twenty minutes to see one of those massive liners, but I'd never been to The Titanic museum or the Cathedral and I got to go on a train!! I love trains so much, I am the biggest child!!

The first place I headed was the Titanic Muesum, The Titanic stopped in Cobh to drop off some people (lucky them) and collect some other people.We got to see a third class and a first class bedroom and saw a piece of luggage that had been on the actual boat. The building itself was where the passengers bought their tickets and waited for the boat to arrive, so I felt as I was standing in history. 
Does anyone else get those sqaushed penny souvenirs?? I get them everywhere I can so of course when I saw one there I had to get one, again I am such a child.


I then headed to the cathedral, I thought it was odd I've seen The Basilica and not the Cathedral up the road from me, I've seen pictures of it but had never been there, same with the "Deck of Card" Houses, (23 houses built on 23 levels and all painted differnt colours like a stack.....of cards!!) and The Annie Moore Monument (Annie Moore was a girl from Cork who was the first person to reach America through Ellis Island ) 
I probably wasnt more than three hours in Cobh, it is a small place so you can see all the history and the sights quickly enough, but it was just lovely and if you ever have a few hours to spare in the cork area you should definitely head there 
 

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Lit Nit Wit:Labyrinth

I think around this time last year I read the book 'Citadel' which I reviewed here.  It transpired that it was a sequel to the book Labyrinth, which I just finished. Just like Citadel it is set in two time frames, this time 2005 and the Middle ages. It follows two main characters Alice and Alais (took me an age to realise their names were similar...) as they discover and take on family secrets to escape an ancient evil that threatens not just them, but humanity.

Alice is in France to sort out the will of an aunt she didn't know she had, at the same time a friend is excavating an ancient site, so volunteers, towards the end of the dig she is drawn to a boulder under which an underground cave holds deep ancient secrets and two skeletons  

Alais lives in middle age France. The daughter of a nobleman, instead of keeping to the castle as she should she often heads to the river and grasslands to collect plants she can use to heal peoples ailments. It is on one of these trips that she finds a man dead in the river. At the same time the king of france has put out an order for the death of Heretics and those who hide them shall also be prosecuted. Her Father and his assocaiates try to decide what do to, to cast out their people or defend them.

Honestly I don't think I enjoyed this as much as Citadel. Maybe it is because I am such a lover of World war stories.  I think there is a good pick of packing, she could have told the same story with less pages and I probably would have enjoyed it more honestly. I still did enjoy it and maybe if I'd the cop on to read this first I would have appreciated both books better. Reading them in order is always a good idea.

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Adventures in London

Yes ok I have an addiction, well several really, but my biggest addiction is London, every few months I go into extreme withdrawal and need and I mean NEED to get some London air in my lungs and see some fabulously urbany dressed people. I 100% live in the wrong place.

















Day One: Thank god for nice taxi men. Of course I was too excited to sleep the night before (I am such a child) so I snoozed by 4:10am alarm a few times. Thankfully my taximan
woke me up and I was in the airport and more importantly the bar of the airport in plenty time. There is something kinda funny at being able to order an Irish coffee at 5;30am, not a massive fan of that drink but I couldn't decide between a coffee or an alcoholic drink so I got both.
There was no sleep in the plane at all at all, so when I got into The city (via the Stansted express) I went straight to Brunswich Shopping centre (off Russell Square) for what else but A Giraffe Breakfast Burrito, I was wide awake then!! I met up with an old work friend, whom I was mad to bring to the National Art Museum, but he was more in the mood for the cinema. I have to admit I was somewhat reluctant until I got into the Imax cinema in Leister Square which has a screen size of 26X20 METRES, just imagine Scarlett Johansons face on that (We saw Lucy, it is unlike anything Ive seen before, holy  moley!!) After coming out of the cinema (at like 2pm, I was utterly disoriented by the light) the tiredness did hit me, so there was very very little done until 5 when I headed to Clapam to Bodean's BBQ for a good aul Pulled Pork Sandwich and White Russian with my Dad. 





















Day Two; The main main reason for my trip was because it was my BFFs birthday and my present (other than my Presence of course) was to bring her to Les Miserables, I've wanted to see it since I was about 14, I've never even seen the whole movie cause I wanted to see it live the first time round. Prior to going there we ventured into Westfield in Stratford. My housemate recently went to London too, and she booked in a bag coming home, for the shopping. Thank god I didn't think of that cause I would have bought a Lot more, their Primark was amazing, We didn't see one third of the place really, we ate at , Strada such a lovely Italian.
So off we head to Les Mis, we were fairly high up (upper Circle E24 to be exact). it had a Resticed view and by Resticted we could see about 97% of the stage and you could always hear what was going on,so we didn't mind. I was pretty sure I was going to cry, I knew it was depressing (its called Les Miserabes for a reason) but I was doing well, untiil the last 5 minutes, when I could hear someone else BAWLING crying and I lost it a small bit, but at least I wasn't loud. When I lived in London, when I was waiting for my friends to finish work (I always finished 2 hours before them) I'd often head to Leister/Piccadilly and watch people, this trip I did again, I'm so unused to seeing so many people just walking along, chatting, eating so late and its so fun to watch. My friend and I had a chat with a Policeman about drinking in public in London ( as you do) and got chatting to a Turkish man who had moved to england two days prior.

Day Three; My friend has lived in London for five months, and had yet to venture into the Portabello Market, that all changed Saturday! Just going there to see everything is amazing, Old furs, sports equipment, WW2 stuff (Gas masks freak me out ever since I saw that episode of Doctor who) and food SO MUCH FOOD. We grabbed some Falafel wraps which were so so good, In Ireland there's this sport called Hurling, one of the most fast land games there is, and every year is a final, which happened to be when I was in London. So I met my dad and we watched the Hurling together for the first time in years actually. The team I didn't want to win, won, but it was a good afternoon all the same.











The last time I went out in London, we got talking to some of those Reps in Leister square, who got us to buy some tickets to some clubs or whatever, one we couldnt even find and we ended up staying in one place which was ok, wouldnt say it was worth the money we paid for the tickets, so this time we decided to go to one place and just stay there. We decided on the Zoo Bar, which btw is full of Spaniards, which is a good/bad thing, depends on your opinion on Spaniards. We had a bit of a jig and a beverage or two and felt much less had than last time.

Day Four
My real last day in London. In the morning I headed to Hyde Park, went to speakers corner and learned how and why the Economy is going to go bust in the next five years. There had been talk of cycling but I was so tired from everything that idea went onto the list of things I'm going to do next time I'm there, yes there is an actual list already. I met my dad once more for some chinese in Chinatown, where I heard a Chinese version of 'Let it Go' which put me in a great mood altogether. I headed back to Hyde Park and met up with my friends again and we just strolled along Picadilly Road, past the Ritz and fancy cake shops and it was so nice. I've found there's always new things to do in London, you could have an interesting day even if its just walking along a particular road, imagining spending stupid money on afternoon tea.

I already can't wait to go back, some friends who live there happened to be in Ireland so I have to go again to see them, and Abbey Road, and Wicked.........